OK, I am looking for a man whose mind works like Bacchus's, but who doesn't like dogs, will never smoke, is under 55 and who likes children. And, who eats properly.

Anyone?

Over six foot, hair not necessary, glasses a bonus.

Dear Mel,

I would like to apply for the position of the man wot you is looking for.

Bored with life on the South Wales coast, I seek excitement and adventure elsewhere and I believe that you could be just what i'm looking for.

I qualify on all counts. Apart from some of them.

Firstly I am a man. Mrs Goosegogs and several ex girlfriends aside nobody has ever disputed my manly status. You'll also be pleased to know that I have a mind exactly like Bacchus'.....only mine works differently and you'll never be able to take him to dinner parties, oh no. You'll be discussing the finer points of a Grand Cru Chablis with Jancis and co when all of a sudden he'll whip out an Aldi colombard/ugni blanc/chardonnay/pinot grigio/7Up.

I hate dogs but am renowned for my love of cats. I am often talking to ours. Apparantly, I mostly like to say..

1- Get off my lap
2- Have you any idea how much you cost to look after, why don't you get a job or go and live in that wood over there
3- Sod off, puss

I don't smoke, am under 55 and love children. I have two. We used to have four but I sold one and swapped another for a fish supper and a can of Carling.

I eat well and can even cook. I am over 6 foot, sort of, have most of my hair but do not wear glasses but I can do just for you.

As for wine I have very varied tastes and like sauvignon blanc from all over the world. Except South America, most of South Africa, the whole of Australia and anywhere in Europe outside Sancerre.

When can I move in ?

Yours

G

Don’t do it Mel, he's Welsh. Say no more

Pick me.
I don’t smoke but generally smell of burning wood because I stand too close to the fire on my allotment. I have most of my hair still, accept on the front half. I see all gods creatures as potential food so you could class me as an animal lover.
I’m under six foot but can wear heels, but no stockings (unless it’s really cold and I’m going fishing, don’t tell anyone).
I sound posher than I really am and have an O level in Technical Drawing. I own my house, apart from the half my wife owns which she will probably increase to the whole of the house when she discovers our illicit pact. I don’t fart in public. Much.

We can make beautiful homebrew together.

tears rolling down cheeks. love you both and can't choose between you.

Co-op have Ch Roumieu Sauternes for £5.99 from £11.99 for a half. It's 2005. Found it sweet and simple at their tasting but have bought a bottle to try tonight as it might be great in a while.

_________________
mel